You can love others deeply, care about what people think, desire a relationship, and still choose yourself.

Last week, we explored the art of decentering—what it means to stop making everything outside of yourself the center of your life.

This week, we’re taking that conversation deeper.

Because sometimes, reclaiming your power isn’t about adding something new to your life. It’s about recognizing what has been taking up too much space in the first place.

For many women, that space has been occupied by other people’s opinions, expectations, approval, relationships, and the pressure to constantly achieve.

We learn to be dependable.
We learn to be accommodating.
We learn to anticipate everyone’s needs.
We learn to keep the peace.
We learn to be successful without making anyone uncomfortable.

And somewhere along the way, we can become so focused on being everything for everyone else that we lose touch with ourselves.

At first, it can look like strength.

You’re the person everyone can count on. You’re caring, capable, responsible, successful, and always willing to show up.

But eventually, you may find yourself asking:

“What do I actually want?”

Not what your family wants.
Not what your partner wants.
Not what society expects.
Not what will make everyone else comfortable.

What do I want?

Reclaiming your power begins with asking that question—and being willing to listen to the answer.

Here are five things many women need to stop centering in order to reconnect with themselves.

1. Other People’s Opinions

How much of your life is shaped by what you think other people will think?

It can be subtle.

You make a decision and immediately wonder whether people will approve.

You share an idea but look for reassurance before trusting your own judgment.

You choose something for yourself and feel compelled to explain or justify it.

You may not even realize you’re doing it because seeking approval can become so automatic.

But when you constantly center other people’s opinions, your life can slowly become a performance instead of an expression of who you are.

Of course, connection matters. Humans are wired to belong.

But there is a difference between considering other people’s perspectives and allowing their approval to determine your choices.

When approval becomes your compass, you begin asking:

“Will they approve of this?”

Instead of:

“Does this feel right for me?”

Try this instead:

• Pause before automatically seeking reassurance.
• Notice your first instinct before asking everyone else what they think.
• Give yourself permission to make decisions without over-explaining them.
• Remember that disagreement does not automatically mean you made the wrong choice.

You do not need everyone to understand your choices for those choices to be valid.

2. The Need to Be Liked

Being liked feels good.

But constantly needing to be liked can become exhausting.

Many women learn to shape themselves around what makes other people comfortable.

They soften their opinions.
They avoid difficult conversations.
They say yes when they mean no.
They overextend themselves to prove they are kind, helpful, dependable, or worthy.

The problem isn’t kindness.

The problem is when being liked requires you to abandon yourself.

Because being liked isn’t the same as being respected.

And being accepted by everyone often requires you to hide the parts of yourself that might challenge, disappoint, or inconvenience them.

You are not here to be everyone’s favorite person.

You are here to live honestly enough that the people who belong in your life can actually know you.

Sometimes authenticity will make you less comfortable for others.

That’s okay.

You don’t need to be universally liked. You need to be deeply connected to yourself.

3. External Expectations About Who You Should Be

Many women grow up surrounded by messages about who they are supposed to become.

Be beautiful—but don’t care too much about your appearance.

Be successful—but don’t intimidate anyone.

Be independent—but always be available.

Be confident—but don’t be “too much.”

Be nurturing—but don’t neglect your ambitions.

Be strong—but don’t make other people feel weak.

The expectations can be contradictory, impossible, and exhausting.

Over time, they can become an invisible rulebook that tells you how to dress, speak, behave, succeed, love, age, parent, work, and live.

And eventually, you may begin seeing yourself through the eyes of others instead of experiencing yourself from within.

You might notice yourself:

• Measuring your worth through appearance or achievement.
• Choosing things based on how they will be perceived.
• Comparing your life to someone else’s timeline.
• Questioning whether you’re “enough.”
• Feeling guilty when your choices don’t fit expectations.

Decentering external expectations doesn’t mean rejecting beauty, ambition, relationships, or success.

It means deciding which values are actually yours.

Instead of asking:

“Will this make me more acceptable?”

Try asking:

“Does this feel authentic to me?”

Your worth was never dependent on how well you fit into someone else’s definition of who you should be.

4. Romantic Relationships as the Source of Your Worth

Romantic love can be beautiful.

A healthy relationship can bring connection, companionship, support, growth, laughter, and joy.

But when romantic love becomes the center of your identity or the primary source of your worth, you can slowly lose connection with yourself.

Many women receive the message—directly or indirectly—that being chosen by a partner is a measure of success.

That being in a relationship makes you more valuable.

That finding “the one” should be the ultimate goal.

That someone else’s love will finally make you feel complete.

But here’s the truth:

You were already whole before anyone chose you.

When romantic relationships become the center of your life, you may find yourself:

• Ignoring your own dreams and priorities to maintain a relationship.
• Accepting less than you deserve because you’re afraid of starting over.
• Losing touch with who you are outside of being someone’s partner.
• Looking to another person to heal wounds that require your own care.
• Measuring your life progress by your relationship status.

Decentering romantic relationships does not mean rejecting love.

It means creating a life that is meaningful, fulfilling, and connected—with or without a partner.

It means asking:

Who am I when I am not being chosen by someone else?

What dreams, friendships, passions, and experiences matter to me?

How can I choose myself while still loving someone deeply?

A relationship should add to your life—not become the foundation of your entire identity.

Healthy relationships aren’t about two people completing each other.

They’re about two people who are connected to themselves choosing to share their lives.

Your relationship status is part of your story. It is not a measure of your worth.

5. Perfection and Constant Productivity

Many women carry an invisible pressure to do everything well.

Be productive.
Be organized.
Be emotionally available.
Be successful.
Keep everything together.

And if you’re resting?

You should probably be doing something else.

Perfectionism can create a life where you’re constantly chasing an ever-moving definition of “enough.”

You accomplish something, but immediately move the goalpost.

You rest, but feel guilty.

You make a mistake and criticize yourself more harshly than you would ever criticize someone else.

You achieve something meaningful, but instead of celebrating it, you immediately wonder what’s next.

But your worth was never meant to be measured by your output.

You are a human being—not a productivity machine.

Rest isn’t something you have to earn by exhausting yourself first.

Instead of asking:

“Did I do this perfectly?”

Try asking:

“Did I show up honestly and intentionally?”

Growth doesn’t require perfection.

It requires compassion, patience, and a willingness to keep becoming.

A Client Story: The Woman Who Realized She Was Missing From Her Own Life

One of my clients came to me feeling completely drained.

She was the person everyone called when they needed something.

Her family depended on her.
Her coworkers trusted her.
Her friends knew she would always show up.

And she was proud of being that person.

But underneath it all, she felt exhausted and disconnected.

During one of our conversations, she said:

“I don’t even know what I want anymore. I know what everyone else needs from me, but I don’t know what I need.”

That moment was powerful.

Because it revealed something so many women experience:

She had spent so much time being everything for everyone else that she had forgotten to include herself.

Through our work together, she began noticing the moments when she automatically put herself last.

She practiced pausing before saying yes.

She started setting small boundaries without over-explaining.

She began making choices based on what felt aligned rather than what would earn approval.

And slowly, something changed.

She didn’t become a different person.

She became more herself.

She stopped asking:

“Will everyone be okay with this?”

And started asking:

“Is this right for me?”

That question changed everything.

What Happens When You Start Reclaiming Your Power?

Reclaiming your power isn’t about controlling everything around you.

It isn’t about becoming selfish, disconnected, or indifferent to other people.

It’s about reconnecting with yourself.

And at first, that can feel uncomfortable.

You may feel guilty when you set a boundary.

You may feel strange when you say no.

You may worry that people will see you differently.

You may even question yourself because you’re no longer following the patterns that once kept everyone comfortable.

But discomfort doesn’t always mean you’re doing something wrong.

Sometimes, it simply means you’re doing something new.

Over time, you may notice:

• You trust yourself more.
• Your decisions become clearer.
• Your relationships become more honest.
• Your boundaries become easier to communicate.
• You feel less dependent on external validation.
• Your life begins to feel more like yours.

That’s what reclaiming your power can look like.

Not becoming harder.

Not caring less.

Coming home to yourself.

Small Ways to Start Choosing Yourself Again

You don’t need to transform your entire life overnight.

Start small.

Try:

• Pausing before automatically saying yes.
• Giving yourself permission to rest without earning it.
• Noticing when you’re seeking approval.
• Making one choice each day based on what you genuinely want.
• Practicing expressing your needs without apologizing for having them.
• Spending time doing things that have nothing to do with productivity.
• Asking yourself, “What do I need right now?” and actually listening to the answer.

Small moments of self-trust build a stronger relationship with yourself.

And that relationship matters.

Because the more connected you are to yourself, the less likely you are to abandon yourself simply to keep someone else comfortable.

You Don’t Have to Shrink Yourself to Be Loved

Many women carry the belief that being easier, quieter, more accommodating, or less demanding makes them more worthy of love.

But real connection doesn’t require you to disappear.

The right relationships don’t ask you to abandon yourself.

They make room for your voice.

Your needs.

Your boundaries.

Your dreams.

Your growth.

You are allowed to take up space in your own life.

You are allowed to change your mind.

You are allowed to disappoint people.

You are allowed to want something different.

You are allowed to choose yourself.

Because the goal was never to become someone everyone approves of.

The goal is to become someone you can trust.

And maybe that tired, disconnected feeling you’ve been carrying isn’t a sign that something is wrong with you.

Maybe it’s an invitation.

An invitation to slow down.

To listen.

To reconnect.

To come back to yourself.

To choose yourself—not once, but again and again.

Because your power was never gone.

You were simply taught to place it everywhere except within yourself.

Now, you get to bring it home.

A Question to Carry With You

As you move through this week, ask yourself:

“Where in my life am I making someone or something else more important than my relationship with myself?”

You don’t need to have the answer immediately.

Just notice.

Awareness is where change begins.

And sometimes, reclaiming your power starts with one quiet decision:

I will no longer abandon myself to be accepted, loved, or enough.