The Weight of “Should”
I should be further ahead by now.
I should have more energy.
I should be happier, thinner, more successful, more patient, more everything.
If those words hit a little too close to home, you’re not alone. For so many of us, “should” has become the soundtrack of our lives — whispering in the background as we scroll, compare, and push ourselves to fit an invisible standard.
But here’s the truth: “should” is a thief. It robs you of joy, drains your energy, and keeps you stuck in survival mode.
And the good news? You don’t have to live this way. You have permission — real, soul-deep permission — to let go of the “shoulds” and step into a life that feels aligned, radiant, and free.
My Client’s Wake-Up Call
I’ll never forget the day everything came crashing down. She was sitting in her car, hands gripping the wheel, about to start her commute… and suddenly, she couldn’t move. Her body felt like it weighed a thousand pounds, her chest tightened, and tears welled up without warning. She couldn’t even put words to why she was crying.
What she did know was this: for years she had been chasing “shoulds”—the perfect career, the perfect schedule, the perfect version of herself. And somewhere along the way, she lost sight of who she truly was.
That morning became her breaking point. But it was also the doorway to her breakthrough. Because it forced her to ask the question that changed everything: What if I stopped living by “shoulds”… and started living by truth?
The Hidden Cost of Living by “Shoulds”
Survival Mode on Repeat
When “should” runs the show, you’re rarely present. Instead, you’re hustling, proving, and pushing, even when your body begs for rest. This is the essence of survival mode: going through the motions without actually living.
Common signs you’re stuck here:
- Constant exhaustion, no matter how much you sleep
- Saying yes out of obligation instead of desire
- Feeling guilty for slowing down
- A nagging sense that you’re never quite enough
Sound familiar? You’re not broken. You’re just carrying the weight of too many “shoulds.”
Burnout Disguised as Productivity
Here’s the trap: society applauds your burnout. We reward overachievers, perfectionists, and people who “do it all.” But underneath the praise is often emptiness — the quiet ache of disconnection from yourself.
That ache is your soul whispering: There’s more for you than this.
Why Letting Go Feels So Hard
If letting go of “shoulds” was easy, we’d all be sipping coffee in hammocks right now. The truth? It feels terrifying at first.
Because “should” gives us the illusion of safety. Following the rules, fitting the mold, chasing the next milestone — it all makes us feel like we belong. Like we’re doing life the “right” way.
But here’s the cliffhanger: what if the very thing keeping you “safe” is the same thing keeping you stuck?
The Soulful Shift: From Shoulds to Thriving
Step One: Awareness Is Liberation
The first step to soulful living is noticing the “shoulds” that run on autopilot in your mind.
- “I should work harder.”
- “I should be more like her.”
- “I should have it figured out by now.”
Every time you hear one, pause. Ask yourself: Who decided this? Who benefits from me believing it?
it’s rarely you.
Step Two: Redefine Success
The world profits from your self-doubt. Which means the goalpost will always move. Lose 10 pounds? Now tone your abs. Land a promotion? Now hustle harder for the next one.
Thriving begins when you stop running that race and instead define success on your own terms: peace, joy, connection, creativity, health — whatever your soul craves most.
Step Three: Build Emotional Resilience
Letting go of “shoulds” doesn’t mean life gets easy. It means you grow strong enough to weather the storms without losing yourself. This is emotional resilience — the ability to bend without breaking, to rise after setbacks, and to choose self-compassion over self-criticism.
The Hidden Season
There’s a season in life when it feels like nothing is moving forward. You’re showing up, doing the work, holding boundaries, and trying to care for yourself… yet on the outside, it looks like nothing is changing. It’s frustrating, even discouraging—like you’re stuck in place while the world races ahead.
But here’s the truth: the work you’re doing in those quiet, unseen moments is building the foundation for everything that comes next. Every time you choose rest over burnout, every time you silence the inner critic with compassion, every time you honor your needs—you’re laying bricks of strength and resilience.
And then, one day, almost without warning, it clicks. The shift happens. The growth that felt invisible suddenly shows itself, and you realize you were never stuck—you were being prepared.
7 Ways to Start Letting Go of “Shoulds”
Here’s where soulful living begins — practical, doable steps you can take today:
- Rewrite the Script
Replace “I should” with “I choose.” Notice how it feels to claim agency instead of obligation. - Honor Rest
Rest isn’t laziness. Rest is repair. It’s the foundation of burnout recovery and thriving. - Set Radiant Boundaries
Every “no” to what drains you is a “yes” to your soul. - Surround Yourself With Mirrors, Not Critics
Spend time with people who reflect your worth, not magnify your doubts. - Practice Micro-Moments of Joy
Joy doesn’t have to be grand. It can be sunlight on your face, dancing in the kitchen, or laughing at memes. These are deposits in your emotional resilience bank. - Reframe Success
Instead of asking, “What should I do today?” ask, “What would make me feel alive today?”
Give Yourself Permission to Be
Not fixed. Not perfect. Not endlessly productive. Just beautifully, radiantly human.
What Happens When You Let Go
Here’s the secret: once you drop the “shoulds,” life doesn’t collapse. The laundry still gets done, the bills still get paid. But something else shifts: you start to breathe again.
You find yourself savoring your morning coffee instead of rushing through it. You start saying no without apology. You begin to feel, maybe for the first time in years, that you are already enough.
That’s the difference between survival mode and soulful living. Between burnout and thriving.
Giving Yourself Permission
So let me ask you: what “should” has been weighing you down the most? The one that keeps you small, tired, or afraid?
What if you chose, right now, to set it down?
Because the truth is, you don’t need more proving. You don’t need more striving. You don’t need another label, title, or gold star.
You just need permission.
Permission to rest.
Permission to be.
Permission to live, fully and freely, as yourself.
Your Invitation to Thrive
Letting go of “shoulds” isn’t a one-time decision. It’s a practice. Some days you’ll catch yourself falling back into old patterns, and that’s okay. What matters is that you return, again and again, to the truth:
✨ You were never meant to just survive.
✨ You were born to thrive.
✨ And every time you choose yourself, you step closer to soulful living.
If this resonates, and you’re ready to move beyond burnout and step into a life of radiance and freedom, I’d love to walk alongside you.
👉 Explore The Radiant Reset — my 1:1 coaching experience designed to help women release the “shoulds,” reclaim their energy, and create soulful, thriving lives.
Because you don’t just deserve permission to be. You deserve permission to shine.
Thank you for spending this time with me.
Remember—healing isn’t linear, and growth doesn’t have to be loud to be powerful.
Keep choosing yourself, one gentle moment at a time.💖
Until next time, stay radiant and take tender care of your beautiful mind and body.
With love,
— Christabel, HerRadiantMind
herradiantmind 